Postpartum Support: A Guide for Friends & Family

Aug 17

Supporting mothers during pregnancy and after childbirth is incredibly important. In many cultures, it is tradition for the community to rally around a family as they welcome a new baby. Often, a mother, mother-in-law, aunt, or other family member will stay with the new parents in the early weeks, helping with household chores, caring for older children, and ensuring the mother can rest and recover.

Unfortunately, in some countries, like the United States, postpartum care isn’t treated as a priority. New families are often left to figure things out on their own, with little more than gifts as support. Don’t get me wrong, gifts are wonderful, but they’re not enough. New families need much more than baby clothes and toys.

I have seen a real gap in postpartum support in my community, and I have even felt under-supported in my own postpartum experiences. It has become a mission of mine to help fill the gaps in postpartum support so mothers can heal and families can thrive.

I created this free resource to serve as a guide for friends and family who want to support the new mothers in their lives but aren’t sure how. It can also serve as a planning tool for expectant mothers to help prepare for the postpartum period with intention.

The First 40 Days

Honoring the first 40 days of postpartum is a common practice in many cultures. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the "40 days" refers to the postpartum confinement period, also known as Zuo Yue Zi. This 40-day period is crucial for a new mother's physical and emotional recovery after childbirth, with a focus on rest, nourishment, and avoiding activities that could negatively impact healing.

It is thought that the first 40 days after birth have a significant impact on the health of a woman for the next 40 years. I’m not sure if that is true, but I have seen that resting during this postpartum time has a significant impact on a woman’s immediate health. It is important for women to take postpartum healing seriously.

Intentional postpartum care supports many aspects of a mother’s health and future, including:

Breastfeeding experience
Pelvic floor health
Fertility and future pregnancies
Stress and hormone balance
Immune function
Hair, skin, and overall vitality

Key aspects of the first 40 days

Physical Recovery: The body undergoes significant healing after pregnancy and childbirth. Rest, proper nutrition, and gentle exercise are crucial for recovery.
Emotional Adjustment: Hormonal shifts and sleep deprivation can lead to a range of emotions, including joy, anxiety, and exhaustion. Seeking support from family, friends, or professionals is vital.
Bonding and Breastfeeding:
The first 40 days are a crucial time for bonding with the baby and establishing breastfeeding, if chosen.
Cultural Traditions: Many cultures have specific practices for the postpartum period, such as "confinement" or "cuarentena," which involve a period of rest, specific foods, and limited activity to aid recovery.
Building a Support System: Having help with household tasks, meal preparation, and childcare can allow the mother to focus on her own recovery and bonding with the baby.

Practical tips for the first 40 days

Prioritize Rest: Rest is essential for physical and emotional recovery. Consider the 5-5-5 rule: five days in bed, five days around the bed, and five days around the house, suggests Franciscan Health.
Eat Nourishing Foods: Focus on nutrient-rich foods that promote healing and milk production. Traditional foods and recipes can be a valuable part of this.
Seek Support: Don't hesitate to ask for help from family, friends, or a postpartum doula.
Establish Boundaries: Set boundaries with visitors and social obligations to protect your time and energy.
Find Gentle Exercise: Incorporate gentle movement, like walking or yoga, when your body is ready.
Connect with Other Mothers: Join support groups or online communities for shared experiences and advice.

Preparation - During Pregnancy

Women typically have 9 months between the time they find out they are pregnant and the time they give birth. Most women don’t start preparing for postpartum until the very end of pregnancy. I recommend starting pregnancy prep as soon as possible. If you do little things to prepare throughout pregnancy, it makes the process a lot less stressful. At the end of pregnancy, women are usually tired and sometimes experience back pain and other uncomfortable symptoms. Finishing birth and postpartum prep early allows mothers more rest during their final weeks of pregnancy.

The following are things that mothers can do anytime during pregnancy to start preparing for birth and postpartum. These are also helpful tasks that friends and family can help her with.

Before Birth

Meal prep: Prepare freezer meals or canned goods for quick, nourishing food during recovery.
Stock up: Gather essential supplies for both mom and baby. Don’t forget pantry staples and household items to limit trips to the store after the baby is born.
Research postpartum healing: I have tons of Free Resources about postpartum healing. Yoni steaming, protecting your pelvic bowl, and healing tears naturally are all important topics to learn about.
Baby Shower or Nesting Party: Host an event focused not just on gifts, but on support planning.
Meal train: Set up an organized system where friends and family sign up to provide meals for families after birth.

Plan a Postpartum Support Schedule

Who is available, and when?
Identify friends or family members who can visit or stay for a few days or weeks.
Who can come for daytime help?
Even short visits to fold laundry or bring food can be a big help.
What needs to be done?
Make a list: cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery runs, caring for older children, etc.

Supplies

This is a list of things that are helpful for postpartum healing. Many of these things a woman might want to pick out on her own, but something could make a good gift.

Pads: Women bleed for up to 6 weeks postpartum. Some women prefer adult diapers rather than pads. Washable cotton pads are another good choice. Large chux pads(washable or disposable) are also helpful to protect mattresses and other furniture.
Frozen witch hazel pads: AKA “padsicles” can be made easily by soaking pads in witch hazel and storing them in the freezer. These decrease swelling and pain while promoting healing.
Herbs: There are many herbs, such as red raspberry leaf, that are beneficial for postpartum healing. Herbal blends can be used for teas, yoni steams, and sitz baths.
Peribottle: While healing, women will want to use a peribottle after using the bathroom instead of toilet paper. Bidets are not recommended because they have more bacteria on them. Normally, this isn’t a problem, but after birth, many women will have a tear or sutures. It is best to keep the area as clean as possible.
Herbal tinctures: It can be a good idea to have basic tinctures on hand in case of clogged ducts or mastitis. These things can come on fast, and it is best if handled once symptoms start. I like Wish Garden Herbs. There are also tinctures to help with after pains, balancing postpartum hormones, and increasing milk supply.

Get my full homebirth supply list here.

How to Help During a Visit

During the first few weeks, the mother will be focused on resting and caring for her newborn. This often means that most household chores fall to the father, or sometimes they just don’t get done at all. There are many ways you can support a new family during a visit. Every situation is different, so it’s always best to ask before you start doing things around the house.

Keep in mind, it can be hard for people to accept help. Offering a few specific choices can make it easier for them to say yes.

“Would you like me to do the dishes or fold some laundry?”

“Can I bring you something to eat or drink?”

“Would you like me to take your older child outside to play for a bit?”

Tasks that may be helpful during a visit:

Dishes
Fold laundry
Sweep/mop
Entertain older children
Prepare a meal
Care for pets
Weed or water garden
Hold the baby while she showers

Meal Ideas

Bringing a meal or some groceries is one of the most helpful things you can do for a newly postpartum mother. In those early weeks, mothers typically aren’t leaving the house, and they certainly aren’t walking around a store. Finding the time or energy to cook can feel nearly impossible. If you’re unsure what she might like, just ask! Be sure to check for any dietary restrictions as well. It's common for breastfeeding mothers to eliminate certain foods, like dairy or gluten, if their babies show signs of sensitivity.

Foods that are high in protein, fat, and collagen are essential for postpartum healing and breastmilk production. Soups and stews that are made with bone broth are a great way to get those nutrients. Bone-in slow-cooked meats are also another delicious option. I like to bring healthy, nutrient-dense meals and snacks that are easy to eat.

Some of my favorite meals and snacks to bring:

Chicken noodle soup
Sheppard’s pie
Lasagna
Quiche
Granola bars
Chicken or beef pot pie
Beef stew
Date balls

It’s important to remember that every family is different. Some women prefer more privacy after giving birth, while others may need time to adjust to life with a newborn and space to process their birth experience. This guide is intended to be a supportive resource for friends and family who want to help, but communication is key. Always check in with the family to understand what kind of support would be most helpful. If possible, it’s a good idea to discuss visitation and support preferences before the baby arrives.

If you found this guide helpful, but you are looking for more information, check out the Knowledge is Power Birth Prep Course to learn everything you need to prepare for pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and newborn care. I also offer 1:1 educational sessions and in-person postpartum visits.

Nikki Sunshine